Banana Monologues: What to do and what not to do when you're walking down a hallway carrying a banana

I personally never thought this would be an issue, or even something one should give a second thought to. I mean, you're carrying a banana, and you're walking. Simple, right? bzzzzz - wrong! 

As banana is one of my favorite breakfast fruits, and I have a long hallway from the cafeteria to my office, based on personal experience I have created this simple yet effective guide on how to properly behave whilst carrying a banana. 

1. Do not, under any circumstances, make eye contact with anyone - this starts a conversation about the banana that you never thought you'd have. 
2. Do not wield the banana above your head like a sword. 
3. Do not point the banana at people as you wave hello. 
4. Do not hug the banana. 
5. Do not carry the banana in your mouth. If you, however, choose to carry the banana in your mouth because, well, this is a free country, stick to guideline #1 religiously. Just trust me on this one. 
6. Do not carry the banana with any other fruit. Bananas don't like that. Unless you're carrying two bananas - then its a party!
7. Do not let anyone touch your banana!
8. Do not answer any questions about the size of your banana. Size doesn't matter, its still nutritious and delicious. Hug the banana after every question about its size. 
9. Do not tumble dry your banana. 
10. Carry your banana in a brown paper bag, at night, 5 miles, uphill, in the rain, barefoot.

Or you could, you know, just get a bagel.